In my last post I wrote about what to do if you are fired. So today, I want to turn the tables.

If you own a small business, or work in management, at some point you will most likely have to fire someone. I have been in this position many times. Many people find this uncomfortable task so daunting, they completely botch it, hurting the person losing their job, and losing respect in the process.

Here are several ways to accomplish this unenviable task correctly:

1) Do it first thing in the morning. Few things will make the fired employee feel more uncomfortable than sensing something is in the air by your body language, or worse, they overhear it from someone else. You don’t want them to force a confrontation before you are prepared, so be prepared, and call them into your office or a conference room.

2) Have someone in the room with you. If you have an HR department, a representative should be there. If not, pick a superior of the same sex as the soon-to-be-fired employee. This can help to avoid any confusion, misunderstandings, and potential accusations.

3) NO small talk first. When they enter the room, ask them to close the door and have a seat. Look them directly in the eye and gently say, “This is going to be a difficult conversation for you”. Anything else is to make YOU feel better, not them. Don’t fool yourself. This person’s life is about to change, and you are still going to lunch later with your friends. Even if you are curious about their family or weekend plans, don’t prolong this. Yank the band-aid off.

4) Get straight to the point, and be firm. “We have decided to let you go.” Don’t equivocate. If there are reasons, give them, but don’t get into a debate or negotiations. If this decision has been made, it’s been made. If not, this conversation shouldn’t be happening.

5) Be compassionate (for real). After they hear the news, whether they react with dignity or wailing, they are not going to care how you feel about it. Remember, this is not about you. Have tissues handy, and it’s okay to tell them you are sorry, but the most compassionate thing you can do is give them clear direction on the next steps: The day that will be their last in the office. The severance package that has been prepared for them. Will you be writing a letter of referral, or not? They need this information to take home to their family for planning and discussion. Have it ready.

6) Give them time. If they have become upset, give them time to cool down and get themselves together before standing to leave the room. Stay with them, and resist the need to keep talking. Then, give them the rest of the day off (with pay). Their head is going to be spinning, and they won’t be productive the rest of the day anyway.

The bottom line is to treat them the way you would want to be treated. I’ll say it again – this is not about you. If you help them keep their dignity and treat them with respect, you have a greater possibility to salvage the relationship in the future. And you never know – they could be YOUR boss someday.

What have been some of your experiences with having to fire an employee?

Boss: “We’ve decided to transition you out of your role…”

Me: “Oh – um, ok.”

Boss: “…and transition you out of the firm…”

Me: “Wait – what? Am I being fired?”

Boss: “No, no, no. Not at all. We want to think of it as a transition.”

In my spinning head I kept thinking: “Stop saying transition.” But, phrase it how you want, at some point they were taking my keys, deleting my Outlook account, and canceling my payroll deposits. I was losing my job.

Most of us will have a similar experience at least one time in our careers. It can be extremely difficult to go through, but here are some ways to deal with it.

1) Get in touch with your emotions. Be angry, be humiliated, be sad, be depressed. Take some time to feel sorry for yourself. Talk through it with someone, and own the parts that were truly your fault. Always exit on good terms, with your integrity intact, and don’t burn any bridges, because you never know what the future will bring.

And then, get up off of your butt and get moving.

2) Take stock of your financial situation. In my case, we were out of debt, except for a small mortgage payment. We had nearly $20,000 set aside for emergencies. This money didn’t just appear. We built it up over time (thanks, Dave Ramsey!). You must be constantly looking ahead to 5-10 years down the road.

We cut our budget to the bone and pushed forward.

3) Figure out what you really want to do when you grow up. For me, I read books, took personality profile tests, and spoke to many people. I joined an online community to help me discover my passion, and not just look for and accept another J-O-B. Everything was on the table. This process can simply be a first step toward something new, a testing of the waters. You will never know until you try.

4) Make sure your important relationships get extra attention. My wife and I spoke more about our work lives, what we wanted to teach our kids, and some as-yet hidden frustrations during this time than ever before. She helped me through the process, encouraged me at the right times, and was not hesitant to tell me if an idea sounded “crazy, even for you”. Lot’s of hugs, kisses, and eye-rolling (her).

5) Move forward. Get up in the morning. Shower, shave, and brush your teeth. Get fully dressed. Help get the kids off to school. Then, begin working on you. If you want to work for another company, great. There are many resources out there. If you want to start a business (or a few), then get moving. Nothing moves unless it is pushed. No one owes you anything, except what you earn. Hustle wins every time.

6) Don’t give up. If you start a small business, give yourself a year to make it work. Some things take time to build traction. Keep pushing. Don’t spend more than you make. Don’t borrow money.

If you want to work for a company, pick a few out and stalk them. I’m not kidding. Find someone working there and make them your best friend. Even if you don’t get a job there, you’ve made a new friend!

Let’s hear from you. Leave a comment with your firing stories, and how you dealt with it.